Don't Understand
by eyecanread
Summary: Sam makes a startling discovery. Will the group's relationships stay the same? Or were they already changing more than she could handle?
1. Where Are My Friends?

**A/N: I don't own iCarly or its characters. I don't profit in any way from writing this (except to excise a few demons).  
When I started writing this I had NO intention of this going anywhere **_**near**_** an M rating. I'm not sure what happened. This was ****also**** supposed a short one-shot. Yeah, this thing obviously had a mind of its own.

* * *

**

**Don't Understand

* * *

**

Where Are My Friends?

* * *

Senior year of high school. Most people said she wouldn't make it (at least not in the same year as her peers) but she'd proven them wrong. Samantha Puckett was going to graduate, but of course she couldn't care less.

All it meant to _her_ was the beginning of the end. The end of ruling the halls, the end of iCarly, the end of her close friendships. Carly and Freddie were going away to different colleges, leaving her behind. As if finding all this out weren't bad enough she also had to deal with it on her own.

Carly was caught up in college preparations, housing situations, and general packing. Freddie, being the nub that he was, had had everything planned, even before their start to senior year. Part of his "Master Plan". While he was _available_ to talk to her he had begun to act strange, distancing himself. In her mind he was shunning her and she didn't know why. All she knew was that it hurt, and that in turn made her angry.

It was an unseasonably warm May for Seattle. The temperatures wavered between the mid-seventies and upper eighties. Sam didn't like it when the temperatures got anywhere above seventy, it made her uncomfortable and even more irritable. If that were possible right now.

She walked into the Shay apartment just as she received a text. She was there to meet Carly and Freddie to rehearse one of their last iCarly episodes. It was bittersweet. She was able to spend time with her two best friends but it was only a temporary bandage covering their approaching split.

She pulled her phone out of her back pocket to check the incoming message. When she saw it was from Carly she groaned. Even without reading it she knew what this meant. Carly wasn't coming. This was how it had been lately, Sam was at Carly's place more than the brunette was.

- _not gonna make it. say sorry 2 f 4 me. will make it up 2 u_ -

Sam sighed, what was the point of getting mad at her? She was more disappointed anyway. She headed up to the studio, sure that the nub was already there. Maybe she could take her frustrations out on him.

* * *

Freddie stood at his tech cart playing with some of his equipment. His back was to the door so she watched him for a moment. It seemed like ages since she'd seen him. They spoke at school but they didn't have many classes together anymore. Freddie was in advanced... well, everything, and she was simply passing basic classes. But that was good enough for her.

Reflecting on it he seemed to barely resemble the nerdy little kid he was when they first met. He still had nerd-like tenancies but they were toned down. Or maybe she just didn't notice them as much anymore.

She opened the door silently. "Hey what up, meat-bag?" she said, slamming the door behind her. She was pleased to see him jump at her sudden appearance.

Attempting to be stoic he merely glanced at her before continuing with what he'd been working on. "Humans are over sixty percent water so it would be more accurate to call me a water-bag."

She barked out a laugh. Strike what she'd been thinking earlier. "Could you possibly _be_ any more nerdish?"

"Nope," he said with a grin.

This felt normal, this felt right. She took a silent breath. All she wanted was to banter with him, to pick on him. He was her favorite sparring partner and punching bag.

He rolled a cable in his hands as he turned to look at her. She couldn't be certain but it looked like his eyes drifted down her black tank top and cut-off jean shorts for a second. "Carly should be here soon," his eyes came up to meet hers.

Her face fell some. "Unfortunately, no."

"Don't tell me..." he groaned.

She held up her phone and waved it a bit. "Yep. She just texted me. So it's just you and me this afternoon." At least she'd have one of her two friends.

"Actually, if Carly's not going to be here there's someplace I have to go." He suddenly looked nervous but she couldn't continue reading his face because he turned back to his cart.

_Why should he be nervous? Unless he's lying to me_, Sam thought as a flash of anger passed though her. _What is this? Avoid Sam Day?_ Damn it, she missed him, she wanted to spend time with her friend! Couldn't he see that?

She decided to brush off the hurt in favor of her favorite pastime – teasing him. "What, Benson? Got a hot date tonight?" Sam smirked and pushed hard at his shoulders.

As mild as that was it must've been his snapping point, because the next thing she knew her back was pressed to the wall behind her. She hadn't even seen him turn back around. He had her wrists and held them on either side of her head. His grip was bordering on painful but she barely noticed it in her shock.

Her breathing was heavy and she discovered that she had to look directly up to see Freddie's face. Looking strait ahead only afforded her a look at his neck. _When did little Freddie Benson get this tall?_ she asked herself, _Or this strong?_ She couldn't move, he had her pinned, he had one leg between her feet and he was leaning into her.

"Freddie?" she asked in amused curiosity. Suffice it to say she hadn't been expecting this reaction. He was traditionally a nonviolent person, always telling her that physical violence was never the answer. This was an entirely new side to him, a more aggressive side. She couldn't help herself from liking it just a bit too much.

His eyes were screwed shut and his breath came as ragged as hers. "You don't... you don't understand." His breath was hot on her cheek and neck and a strange feeling went down her spine.

"Really, Fredwad? Do tell." She'd wanted to have that come out snarky, but in execution it was a little more breathless than she would've liked.

He opened his eyes and looked down at her. She couldn't read his expression but his eyes noticeably didn't stay fixed on hers, for a second time they fluttered further south. He was making her feel weird, almost self-conscious. She was uncomfortable under his scrutinizing gaze.

A second more and she was going to shove him off but it turned out to be unnecessary. He pushed himself from her, turning away. He gripped the back of his head in a move of frustration. "Gah, you don't know what you do to me, Puckett." He sounded tense, like he was on the verge of cracking again. "I gotta go," he mumbled. He strode over and slammed his hand on the elevator button. He never turned around as it opened and he got inside.

The door shut before Sam had regained her voice. She was still pressed against the wall where he'd left her. Slowly her senses returned to her, like he'd left her drugged and her functionality only returned when he was out of range. "What the hell," she muttered shakily. _What has gotten into that boy?_

She slipped away from the wall and started pacing in short trails. His behavior around her had been odd lately but this was the topper. Just now he'd been rough with her, she could still feel the ache in her wrists. This turn in his character was both exciting and frightening. When he'd grabbed her it was a rush, she liked the danger, and even more at the thought that it was at the hands of mild-mannered Fredward Benson.

Whatever was going on with him she felt she _needed_ to talk to him about it. She didn't get those feelings very often so to ignore them might be fatal. At least for someone. Okay, she could concede the exaggeration in that statement, but still, it afforded an excuse so she'd take it. At this point she was too curious not to.

Her mind trailed off wondering if she could push him again, just so she could see that side of him once more. She knew it was messed up to want to torture her friend but this was science, and he would appreciate that, wouldn't he?

With that bit of logic she headed down the stairs.

* * *

As she knocked on the door of apartment 8-D she silently prayed Freddie's disturbed form of a mother wasn't home. After a minute with no answer she became restless. What? She never said she was a patient person. She tried the handle and found it unlocked. Of course, even if it _had_ been locked that wouldn't have stopped her. She peaked her head into their apartment. Fortunately it appeared Marrissa wasn't there, she didn't think she could deal with her right now. Not that she tolerated her well on any regular day... She sighed and entered, Freddie wasn't visible so she assumed he was in his room.

She was silent as she approached his door, still not sure what she was going to say to him. What had really happened back there? Why was he acting so odd, even weirder than normal?

His bedroom door was open a crack but the lights were dim inside. She pushed the door a bit more and was about to say something when she saw him. He was sitting in his ergonomically designed desk chair (what a nerd) facing away from from the door.

At first she thought he was working on something on his lap but then he made a small sound. Her eyes shot wide. He was _defiantly_ working on something.

- Now, hanging around guys most of her life she'd heard plenty of locker-talk, and with a mother like hers she'd seen glimpses of plenty of grainy porn, so she wasn't clueless as to what she was seeing. But this, by far, had to be the _realest_ thing she'd ever witnessed, even more so than the time this boy in front of her had been hit by a taco truck.

Her hand flew up to cover her mouth; not out of revulsion or amusement but out of shock. She'd never thought of her friend Freddie in this way. As a guy. A guy with needs. It was eye-opening and a little bit provocative. The increasingly frequent sounds he was making were downright hot.

Her stomach tightened and quivered strangely. She wanted to run, but curiosity, and a morbid fascination, glued her to her place.

Her hand slipped away from her mouth, she wasn't going to say anything, she couldn't if she wanted to, she _wouldn't_ disturb him. She gripped the door jam, her legs were starting to feel like gelatin. Everything within her strained to reach into that room. She was horrified at what she was witnessing, but like a train wreck it was too hard to look away.

He was getting close, she wasn't sure how she knew, but she knew. She pressed her free hand to the zipper of her jean shorts to quell this horrible/wonderful feeling that was rising up inside her.

Then the word came that changed her world forever.

"Sam." His voice was hoarse and gravely, very _manly_ to her ears. He let out a shuddering groan and then he was done. His shoulders relaxed and his head fell back against the chair.

At the sound of her name she had the sickening thought she'd been discovered, but then the truth came to her and it was far more horrible. He'd done... _that_... to thoughts of her! All she could think at that moment was to get the heck out of there before he found out that she'd watched him.

As quickly and as quietly as her legs could function she went down the hall and back out his front door. As soon as it shut behind her she found her feet and ran.

* * *

**A/N: So, why didn't I put the obvious "i" before my title? I wanted this not only to be iDon't Understand, but also "you" and "we". I didn't want to limit it to just "i".  
Anyone else notice that Carly's apartment number is sad 8-C while Freddie's is happy 8-D ? Maybe it's just me...**


	2. Running

**A/N: I don't own iCarly or its characters. I don't profit in any way from writing this. I only wish.  
In most fan stories I write I try my hardest to make the characters sound like themselves. In this I really just wanted these characters in this situation so I was a little more careless with their personalities. I'm sorry if everyone is ooc to you.  
Thank you to everyone who reviewed and have put this story in their favorites or watch lists! I really wasn't expecting that kind of response, it warmed my heart.  


* * *

**

Running

* * *

Sam didn't care where she was going, or even how long she'd run, she just went. The sun was hot on her head and she knew she wouldn't get far before it sucked all her energy away. Mercifully she ended up along the waterfront where the heat was tempered by coastal breezes. She sat in the middle of a wide stone staircase; unfortunately it was a popular spot, located between the Aquarium and Pike Place Market. Tourists milling around were staring at her because she was mumbling to herself, but she paid them no mind. All she could think about was what she'd seen and heard in Freddie's apartment.

Was she offended or flattered by what he'd done? She didn't know. This was too much. Freddie. Freddie thought of her when he... What should she _do_ with that?

Suddenly embarrassment was washed away by anger. He had been ignoring her lately and it'd hurt. Admitting that to herself was difficult but she realized it was true. Now she finds out the whole time he's had more than "friendly" feelings for her. The snubbing hurt more. Did he really find her that repulsive that he couldn't stand the thought of them together?

Of course she had no idea if he really liked her or simply saw her as attractive. He was a guy. It almost made her feel dirty to think that he still hated her but thought of doing thing like that with her. Her head hurt. Why did this matter so much? It wasn't like she liked the nub. The tall, strong, best friend, who proved time and again that he was there for her...

"No," the word squeezed out through gritted teeth. He doesn't get to make her have feelings for him if he's going to treat her like this! Yes, that made perfect sense in her head.

She decided this required a second opinion. She pulled out her phone and looked through her call list. Admittedly it wasn't a long list, there weren't many people she could stand talking to. For a second her eye caught at Freddie's name. In a daze she scrolled past his name then hit the call key.

"_Hello?_" a perky female voice answered.

Sam took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Carly? I have to talk to you."

"_Sam? Goodness girl, it feels like I haven't talked to you in ages. What's going on?_"

It was good to hear Carly's voice, it calmed her slightly. "I kinda don't want to over the phone. Can I come see you?"

"_Are you okay?_" She could hear the concern in her friend's voice and she wondered how bad she must sound. She didn't get a chance to answer before Carly continued, "_Um, I'm out shopping right now. How 'bout you meet me at Groovy Smoothie in twenty minutes?_"

"Okay. See ya there." Sam disconnected the call and replaced her phone to her pocket. She stood from sitting on the steps and turned her feet back towards Bushwell Plaza.

* * *

Sam sat at one of the tables near the windows, she didn't want to be seen from the door. Not that she was ashamed to be there, it was just she wasn't in the mood to talk – ironically. If she saw Freddie now she knew she'd bolt. Carly was five minutes late and the blond was starting to wonder if her friend was going to bail on her once again.

The aforementioned wayward best friend picked that moment to burst into the establishment, breathless and carrying way too many bags. "Sorry! Sorry, I'm late! Horrible traffic on 7th." She sat down in a flurry of motion and Sam calmly pushed a smoothie across the table to her.

Carly froze, dropping all her bags around her unceremoniously. She looked at Sam then at the proffered drink. "It must be bad," her voice had gone quiet. She picked up the cup and sipped thoughtfully, Sam _never_ payed, it just didn't happen.

Sam shrugged and tried to sound normal. "It's nothing. I just want to get your opinion, that's all."

"I highly doubt that. Spill."

Sam looked at her with quirked eyebrow. "Spill what?"

"Whatever it is that's bothering you," Carly said pointedly.

Sam looked away and was silent for a moment. "I found out this guy likes me."

Carly's eyebrows rose. "And this is a bad thing?"

She tugged at one of her curls and her eyes roamed everywhere but towards Carly. "Yes! No. Maybe." The conviction in her voice petered more after every word.

Carly sipped her smoothie before asking her next question, she really was quite parched. "How did you find out?"

"That's unimportant."

"Well, who is it?"

"Also unimportant!" Sam's voice rose with her annoyance, though she couldn't have told you at what she was annoyed.

Carly sighed and set down her drink. "Sam, I don't think I can help you if you don't give me anything to work with."

Sam stood up abruptly and walked the two steps to the window, she was there only a second before returning to the table and flopping back into her chair. She sat on her hands as she stared at the tabletop. "This guy has been a big jerk to me lately then I find out he really likes me."

"And you're feeling all repulsive," Carly said knowingly.

Sam's eyes flew to Carly's. It still surprised her sometimes how well Carly knew her. She had a fleeting panic that maybe she let the girl get _too_ close. It passed when she reminded herself this was Carly, she was trustworthy. "Why does he feel the need to hide that he likes me? Am I that hideous?"

Carly sprang from her seat and came around the small table. She put her arms around her blond friend and held her there. Sam wasn't terribly fond of displays of affection, public or private, but this was comforting so she'd allow it. This once.

The brunette pulled back leaving her hands on Sam's shoulders so that the seated girl couldn't turn away. "Listen here Sam Puckett, you are not hideous, or repulsive, or any of the other words that may be swimming around in that blond head of yours, so stop thinking that right now."

Sam let a smile tug at her lips. Despite her recent admonitions to the girl Carly was possibly the world's best best-friend. "Then why is he doing this?"

Carly returned to her seat and thought for a moment. "Have you considered the possibility that he's scared?"

"Scared? Scared of what?"

"You! Let's face it Sam, you're intimidating. Maybe he doesn't want to tell you because he's afraid your reaction will come in the form of a beating."

She pondered that, it did sound like her. "I'll grant you that, but why be rude to me on a daily basis?"

Carly surprised her by laughing. "Turnabout's fair play? Look, I don't know. Maybe he's afraid he'll blurt out his feelings if he doesn't say or do something mean."

Sam chuckled, that was a highly unlikely scenario but it did make her feel better.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Carly sipping her smoothie and Sam thinking about a boy they both knew.

"You know, you never said." Carly twirled her straw in her nearly-empty cup, avoiding Sam's eyes. "How do you feel about him?"

Sam froze, down to her very molecules. _Oh, god. Oh, god!_ That wasn't something she'd considered since she'd had the shocking revelation. Her hands flew to her cheeks, which she knew were flaming red.

Carly watched her friend in silence, fully aware of the answer to her question even if Sam herself didn't know what that answer was. Carly wouldn't prod her, Sam would come to it on her own, in time. She looked at her watch. "I should go. I told Spencer I'd meet him at Socko's, there's something they want to show me," she rolled her eyes. She picked up a few of her bags then paused. "You should talk to him, Sam."

Sam came out of her stupor to look at Carly. "Who? Socko?"

Carly shook her head with a soft smile. "No. This guy who likes you. You should let him know you know. But promise me one thing?"

The blond nodded.

"Go easy on him, for me?"

Sam smiled genuinely for maybe the first time in weeks. "I make no such promises, Shay."

Carly chuckled and shook her head. She finished gathering her things and turned towards the door.

"Carly."

The brunette turned to look expectantly at her friend.

"Thank you."

Carly smiled and nodded once before disappearing out the door.

* * *

**A/N: ****The place Sam ended up when she ran is a real location. ****If you've been to Seattle, or live there, you may recognize it.  
Personally I'm a bit disappointed with this chapter. I like the interaction between Carly and Sam, but in total it feels like a filler. I'm sorry. I'll try to step it up in the next chapter.**

**Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate on the USA timetable. ^^  
**


	3. Avoid and Evade

**A/N: I don't own iCarly or its characters. I don't profit in any way from writing this.****  
If people were expecting this story to get more explicit than that first chapter than I believe this story will disappoint you. It _does_ get more heated in the last chapter though, so I don't know. Maybe.  
FYI I wholeheartedly approve the casting of Jane Lynch as Sam's mother.

* * *

**

Avoid and Evade

* * *

Sam left the Groovy Smoothie in a daze, a warm breeze had come up but she barely noticed. It was a long walk home across town but she didn't feel like taking a bus, there was too much to think about to shorten her trip.

Freddie topped her list, he was suddenly a mystery. He'd always seemed so predictable to her, now there were whole _worlds_ of things it was evident she didn't know about him. How long had things been like this? Had she always been this oblivious?

It was making her head hurt again. She needed food, preferably meat. She stopped in at a deli she frequented and picked up a summer sausage to gnaw on during her trek. It's spicy meaty flavor instantly worked to calm her.

She hated feeling like this, she usually made others feel like this. Uneasy, on edge. It was not fun. Freddie was doing this to her and the irony of that wasn't lost on the blond. The boy she tormented was now tormenting her, even if he was unaware. She burned at the thought. Well he wasn't going to get away with this. She'd make him pay.

Her steps halted as she arrived at the door of her home. She sighed deeply with her hand on the knob. She didn't hate him, how could she? He was her best friend and it was flattering – in a creepy sort of way. She still felt cheated by him, but the will to beat him senseless the next time he crossed her path was slowly fizzling, having cooled her temper with the exertion of getting home.

She lifted her head and pushed her way into the house. "Mom, I'm home!"

Pam Puckett came into the hall from the living room wearing clothes styled at least a decade too young for her. "What? You're home? I thought you were at Carly's." She settled a hand on her hip as she fixed the younger Puckett with a stare.

"Yeah, well, I left."

"What's wrong? I thought you liked it over there with your little friends?"

Sam turned her head away with a scowl. "They're not so little anymore," she mumbled spitefully.

Unfortunately her mother had excellent hearing. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothin'. I'm going to my room." She trudged away before her mother could ask another difficult-to-answer question.

Pam shrugged and went to call her newest boyfriend. She _did_ worry about her daughters but she wasn't the best at expressing, or getting them to express, their emotions. She glanced down the hall when she heard Sam's door slam shut. She shook her head with a sigh.

* * *

Sam flopped down on her bed staring at the ceiling. She had to get Freddie out of her head. That was all there was to it. She didn't like to think about uncomfortable things like this, they were better off avoided until they went away all together.

But then, in a few months the problem _would_ be going away.

She sat up, propping herself on her arms. Carly and Freddie were going away. Her heart plummeted to her shoes again at the sickening thought. That was also something she didn't want to think about.

Her forehead scrunched in disgust. This had started out such a nice day and Freddie had to go all weird and freak her out. She threw herself back down onto her pillows with a growl.

_Guys! Why did they have to be such horn-dogs anyway?_ She really didn't see the fascination with getting themselves "happy" all the time. She'd touched herself a time or two (what teenager hasn't?) it was nothing special. She knew what felt good to her and it had been... _nice_, not mind-blowing, but nice.

Maybe she hadn't done it right? - Add that to the list of things she didn't want to think about. It wasn't exactly a conversation she was comfortable talking about to her mother (_god_ no) or even Carly. Sam shivered picturing how those two conversations would go.

From all she'd seen, heard, and that one scarring experience in health class, she knew the mechanics of sex. What went where, insert tab A into slot B, and all that chiz, but she'd never had a partner for the actual deed. She'd gotten close a time or two – very close – but it never seemed right to her. A little voice inside gave her the unsettling thought that perhaps it was that the guy was wrong. Did that mean she'd know when it was the "right someone"? That seemed like sentimental bunk, the type of thing she spent a majority of her days mocking.

Perhaps she didn't need anyone. If guys did it to feel that certain high maybe it didn't matter that she didn't have anyone (not that there weren't interested parties).

Sam sighed deeply. _Maybe..._ Her hand rose from the mattress to rest on the flat plane of her stomach. Her tank had ridden up and she could feel the fever of her skin from the hot weather. Her thumb lazily flipped open the button on her shorts. Just as her hand dipped lower...

"Sam? Seriously, are you alright?" Her mother knocked on her door.

Sam sprang off her bed, frantically trying to get herself back together again. She made her way to her door and wrenched it open. "I'm okay, Mom."

Pam cocked her head to the side as she analyzed her daughter. "Are you sure? You're all red."

Sam resisted the urge to put her hands on her face. "Yeah, it's just hot in here."

Her mother's brow twitched, as if she were thinking that over. "Alright. Open a window or somthin'." Thankfully for Sam, Pam wasn't going to pursue her apparent suspicions. "Harold is coming over to pick me up. We should be out all evening."

Sam nodded her understanding, but the older Puckett seemed to waver in the doorway for a second. Sam looked up at the tall blond expectantly. _Was there something else?_ Suddenly her mother folded her into a brief but meaningful hug. Sam was too frozen from shock to react. They weren't exactly a "huggy" family.

Pam turned away to head back down the hallway. "Be good, and don't burn the house down."

"Yeah, Mom." Was all she could mutter before the woman disappeared.

Sam spun back into her room, shutting the door behind her. This had been a weird day. She walked woodenly over to her bed and flopped down on it face-first. What she needed was sleep, the world would be all straitened out again in the morning.

* * *

Sam rode the bus to school, it wasn't unheard of, but it _was_ unusual. She usually didn't like mixing with the "regular crowd", but today the din afforded her time to think. Morning hadn't given her greater clarity about what to do with Freddie like she'd hoped. It also didn't help that she'd fallen asleep in her sweaty clothes and woke up feeling sticky and gross.

She'd actually showered and taken time to pick out clean clothes. That didn't leave her any time to grab breakfast, but she could always grab something at school. Maybe there would be a nerd she could steal from. That would maker her happy on two counts, tormenting people _and_ eating. It's always great when you can combine your hobbies.

The bus went over a particularly vicious pot-hole and she gasped. Very shortly she'd see him, and Carly, and she still hadn't decided on how to react. Far sooner than she was ready the bus stopped in front of Ridgeway High School. _Funny, the bus ride always seemed longer before._ She sighed and rose from her seat with the rest of the lemmings.

She entered the front doors just in time to see Freddie come down the main staircase, headed to his locker. She paused to watch him pass, hidden in the shadows of the stairwell. A strange hot flush came over her at the sight of him.

He was wearing a tan short sleeve shirt that had some sort of bird printed on it in a darker brown. She noticed his jeans didn't fit as loose as they once did. _When did he start wearing them that way?_ They hugged his ass as he walked. She cocked her head to the side.

_No! No, no, no, no, no!_ She shook her head to clear it.

She followed silently behind until she could see around the corner, she leaned against the wall as she stared after him. One of his geeky friends stopped by his locker. She couldn't hear what they were saying but she probably wouldn't care about whatever it was anyway.

Suddenly Freddie laughed at something his friend said. Her chest felt like it was simultaneously sinking to the bottom of the ocean and flying to the moon. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. He hadn't laughed like that in a while. It was full of joy and life.

Then the realization hit her, he wasn't happy around _her_. They used to laugh and kid and do crazy things together, but all that had changed lately. He'd become so dower and serious. Not the fun-loving boy she knew.

She ran her fingers into her hair, cupping her head. Had she done something to him? What had started this fissure? He used to be her friend, and he obviously found her at least a little attractive, but he was closing her out of his life. Why? Did he really hate her that much?

They'd said those words (_I hate you!_) so often that their meaning had gotten lost – at least they had to her – and she thought they meant something else to him as well. But what if he really _did_ hate her?

"Sam?"

The blond spun around to face her best female friend. "Oh, Carls. You startled me."

Carly's brow furrowed in concern. "Are you alright?" She was unaccustomed to seeing Sam flustered.

Sam pulled herself together and stood up straighter. "I was just..." her voice trailed off. What could she say? 'Spying on Freddie' didn't exactly sound right. Truthful, but not right.

Carly held up her hand. "I don't want to know." She probably thought the blond was plotting something that she'd need plausible deny-ability for. Her mood turned and she gave Sam a look of understanding. "Is he here today?" she asked, lowering her voice. Sam nodded, knowing exactly who she was referring to. Carly slipped her arm around Sam's elbow. "Come on, we have first period together."

Carly did an admirable job of trying to distract Sam as much as she could, even though they didn't share all the same classes. The blond welcomed the rare attention from her friend, but Sam couldn't help her mind from wandering back to the third of their party. She hadn't gotten so much as another glimpse of Freddie all day. He'd even had to work in the library during lunch period.

The last bell rang and the girls went to exchanging their books at their lockers. "Are you excited now that the weekend is here?" Carly asked with a smile.

Sam blinked. "This is Friday."

Carly laughed at the stunned face of her friend. "Yes this is Friday. As in; no school tomorrow or the next day."

Sam grinned, _No Freddie until Monday_. [Avoidance: just one of the many services she offers. Also offered is sarcasm and eating meat.]

"Can you come over right now?"

"Hum?" Sam looked at her friend, she hadn't been paying particular attention.

"I have to run a couple of errands with Spencer but I'll be there as soon as we get done." They closed their lockers and headed to the parking lot.

"Why?"

Carly looked at her in puzzlement. "What do you mean why? Why do I have to run errands, or why should you come over?"

"Why do I have to go to your place?" She knew if she did it was more likely she'd run into _him_.

Carly was surprised and a little hurt. "Why wouldn't you want to come over? Besides we didn't get to practice yesterday so I thought if we could squeeze one in this evening it would be great."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, I guess. Will there be food?"

Carly laughed. "Of course there will be food."

"Alright." Nothing would keep her from food freely offered, even the threat of seeing Fredward Benson.

* * *

**A/N: Ironically enough this chapter was originally titled _Confront_. I was going to have Sam talk to Freddie when she got to school. Needless to say this chapter went through a major rewrite and I think it's much better for it. Even in it's current state it rambled on for no reason so I cut it down. Let me know what you think.**

**Sam was channeling her inner Sokka in this chapter. **I'm sorry if you don't know who he is, because he's awesome sauce on a sweet pizza.

.

.

.

.

FF1245 – RSG!


	4. Here We Are

**A/N: I don't own iCarly, it is the property of Dan Schneider and Nickelodeon. I write this solely for my own pleasure.**

**Reasons for the long delay of this chapter (for those who are not familiar with me):  
1) I had the other chapters written before the first one was posted so all it meant was editing and posting. Whereas from here on in the story I'm writing fresh.  
2) I am a very slow typer. Sorry, but those who have followed me in the past know this.  
3) I wanted to make these last few chapters as cohesive and good as I could.  
4) Um... Suspense?**

Here We Are

* * *

Sam walked into the empty Shay apartment and shrugged her bag off on the coffee table. She headed directly to the refrigerator to see what wonders awaited within. After making a sandwich that would've made a football player weep she headed back to the couch. In one fluid movement she parked herself on that piece of furniture and grabbed the remote.

She was contentedly flipping through the channels when the apartment door opened. "Hey Carls, your back sooner than I thought," she said, her eyes still glued to the TV.

"Hey, Sam."

Panic shot through her at the sound of a masculine voice. _Freddie!_ She sprang to her feet and stood so the length of the couch was between them. In her haste she dropped her sandwich on the floor, instantly mourning it's loss. _Maybe it's still salvageable..._ _No, focus!_ She looked up at the Tech Producer. "Carly's not here right now."

"I know," he said slowly. "She texted me saying _you_ were here." The way he said that wasn't harsh, he made it sound like she was actually the person he was looking for, but he appeared nervous, like he could bolt any second.

Sam eyed him suspiciously. "What are you doin' over here then? Don't you have somewhere else you have to be?"

For a moment he looked hurt. He rubbed the back of his neck before his eyes met hers again. "No... Sam, about yesterday..." Obviously he was going for the rip-the-bandage-off approach.

She spun around to face the counter, hiding the blush that was threatening. She knew he was only referring to what he'd done in the studio, which she'd almost forgotten, but she couldn't help her mind from wandering to what she'd witnessed in his bedroom. "I don't know what you're talking about. Nothing happened yesterday," she snapped.

There was silence from the other side of the room for a few seconds, and she hoped that meant he was going to drop the subject. No such luck. "I acted inappropriately and I'm sorry. I... I never should've grabbed you like that." She heard him come up behind her and she gripped the counter tighter. "Did... did I hurt you?"

His voice was low toned and very near, she suppressed an odd shudder that went through her. "No. I'm alright." She shut her eyes, cursing how weak she sounded. Her anger came up again, mad at herself and mad at him for making her this way. She spun around and poked him in the chest. "Pffft, like you could hurt me. What were you tryin' anyway?"

"Nothing. Let's just forget about it, okay?" He tugged the hem of his shirt nervously, then stepped back to sit down on the couch, indicating for her to join him. She paused, uncertain, before sitting where she had before. "So, you're not mad at me?" He sounded really scared.

She thought about it. What he did yesterday was... _weird_, but she understood it to some degree. If she was mad at him it was for ignoring her for this last month or so. "Not for yesterday," she admitted with a half-truth.

He stared at her for a few minutes, during which she tried to ignore him. "I know I haven't been around a lot lately and I'm sorry. There's just been some... stuff I've had to work through," he said with a touch of sadness.

She glanced at him, damned that he could read her so easily. "And? Have you, "worked through it"?" She leaned forward and started to retrieve the remains of her snack.

He eyed her with curiosity mixed with disgust as she picked up the various meats and cheeses. "I guess. Lets just say I can deal with it now."

She was happy that most of the sandwich was edibly save-able. Her joy made her say something she wouldn't regularly say. "Anything I can help with? If you need anybody whacked there's always my Uncle Carmine..."

"What? No! Sam!" He was flustered and spluttering, just the way she liked him. It made the generous offer to a nerd worth it. And it caused the tension in the room to be cut in half.

She began to relax again, it seemed like days since she'd been able to do that. She felt like she should talk to the boy, that _was_ what she'd been missing. "Other than your "situation"," she used quote fingers and he rolled his eyes, "how have you been? Got all of your collage stuff ready?" She knew he did but this seemed like a safe topic.

He nodded. "All ready, down to my dorm's matching sheet-set." He grinned and shot her a look.

She roared with laughter. "You're kidding, right?" He shook his head no and she laughed again. "You are one incredible dorkasaurus, Freddie Fredstone." He walked right into that one, it was too easy. But then she thought; it _was_ too easy. He'd said that on purpose so that she would make fun of him. Why?

She squinted at him. Did he do it to further break the tension? She'd not known him to be self-deprecating, he was always proud and defensive before. It shoved this new and hard-to-understand Freddie into the Freddie-shaped mold she'd always carried in her mind. He wasn't fitting well.

She ate the last bite of her sandwich and started licking her fingers. He rose wordlessly to retrieve her a napkin. She followed him into the kitchen intent on getting a drink, but he stopped her before her hand could reach the fridge handle.

She glared at him but he ignored her, he wiped her hands with the napkin before releasing her and tossing the soiled paper away. She stood in indecision for a moment before rather violently opening the cooler's door. She felt hot all over and she had to down several swigs of her Peppy Cola before she could talk again. "Are you excited to be moving away from your mother?" She felt it was a victory that she didn't stutter.

He leaned against the island with a sad but soft smile on his face. "I know Mom is crazy and embarrassing but she also takes great care of me. She loves me. In some ways it will be nice to be on my own but in the end I think I'll miss her."

Sam blinked at his honesty. At times this kid could knock her speechless.

"What are _your_ plans after graduation? I don't think you ever said."

She almost snapped that she would've told him if he'd only been around to ask, but she restrained her tongue. "I thought I'd find a job," she shrugged.

He'd started wiping some of her crumbs off the butcher-block but paused and turned to look at her in surprise. "Sam Puckett work?" He put the back of his hand on her forehead. "Are you feeling well?"

She pushed his arm away. "Yeah, well, I need the income." He sobered as he looked at her. She hated that look, concern that probed to her core. It made her feel warm again and entirely uncomfortable. "What?" she snapped.

"I was about to ask you the same thing. Did something happen at home?"

She turned away, unable to take his eyes any longer. "Nothing for you to be concerned about, nub." He didn't say anything but she could still feel him staring at the back of her head. She wished he'd stop and let the subject go. She didn't think she could take whatever he was thinking about her.

"Did your mom kick you out?" He sounded scared, like he knew it could be the truth, but wishing to all technology that it wasn't.

A strangled laugh escaped her throat. "Simmer down, nerdling. Nah, Mom's keeping me around." He let out the breath he'd been holding in a relieved whoosh, some of which tickled her neck as she turned to face him again. "She's just done paying for me. In return for me staying with her I have to pay for the stuff I use, like half the water, etcetera, etcetera."

He nodded, "Hence the job." She socked him hard on the arm. "Ow! What was that for?" he asked, recoiling and clutching his arm.

"You can't use a word like _hence_ and not expect to get hurt."

He smirked back at her. "Well you used etcetera, does that mean I get to hurt you?"

Her head suddenly started to swim as her thoughts began to stray. "No. I'm just awesome like that," she managed to get out.

"Uh huh," he said in a skeptical tone. "Well," he lightened up, "any prospects?"

"What?" She had honestly been lost in her perverted rabbit-trail of thoughts.

"For a job. Any prospects?"

"Oh, not yet."

"Have you been looking?" He quirked an eyebrow at her. She hated/loved that.

She shrugged. "Not really. I don't have to do anything seriously until after graduation." He tilted his head. Another look she hated; that disapproving 'you could do more' look he was giving her.

"Do you want any help?"

"Help with what?"

"You know, writing resumés and working on what you'll say in an interview."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Momma can get a job on her own. I got that one-"

"At Chili-My-Bowl? That doesn't count." He leaned towards her. "They're not picky, and you don't want to work at a place like that again."

She opened her mouth to protest before she realized he was right. "So, what you got?" She motioned for him to continue.

"That's what you have to tell me. What sort of prior work experience have you had, any special skills, what type of work are you looking for?" He ticked off the list on his fingers.

She sighed, she didn't really want to work in the first place and it seemed like such a hassle just to _get_ a job... at which she'd actually have to do _work_. Being an adult was such a pain, it was so much easier being a kid.

"I don't have many, what you'd call, 'marketable skills'," she said defeated.

He studied her for a few minutes. "I wouldn't say that." He spun around and grabbed a pad of paper and a pen out of a drawer in the island. "Now, is sarcasm a marketable skill?" he smirked at her.

She smacked him on the arm but chuckled at his lame joke. "Seriously, except my brief stints into the rat race and my time as a Penny-T guru I don't really have any experience."

He tapped the pen to his chin as he thought. "I'm sure your part in iCarly counts."

"For what?"

He jotted something down before answering. "Media experience and time in front of the camera. Besides, with a live show you have to be adaptable, something employers look for. You do a majority of the planing for our show and that alone is impressive."

She hadn't ever viewed it that way. To her it was just fun, if it hadn't been then she wouldn't have spent so much time on it. She glanced at Freddie while he wrote a few more things down on the pad. It never ceased to amaze her the bizarre directions his mind worked. Sometimes they were frightening or downright dorky, but every once and a while he'd surprise her.

She was getting whip-lash from her changing views of this boy. Just a few hours ago she'd been trying her darnedest to avoid him, and now here they were, friends again.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry to cut it off here but I have to get to the next chapter, this one was really bogging me down.**


	5. Storm's A Brewin'

**A/N: ****Dan Schneider created these wonderful characters, I'm simply borrowing them. Don't worry, I'll put them back exactly how I found them when I'm done so that someone else can use them too.

* * *

** Storm's A Brewin'

* * *

It was a lazy Sunday and Sam lounged on the Shay couch twirling a lock of her hair and thinking. Okay, so, more trying _not_ to think than actually watching the current episode of Girly Cow. It had been an interesting two weeks, with her reconnecting with Freddie and the filming of the last episode of iCarly.

Broadcasting the last iCarly had been an event, they had wanted to make it a big party so they'd decided it should be double in length, and it had garnered them their highest ratings ever. They invited back many of their previous guests, as well as some of their beloved regulars, such as Spencer, Carly's Granddad, and the Gibson brothers.

It had gone wonderfully but it had been a bittersweet time. Near the end Carly had given over hosting duties to Sam while the brunette took a moment to get her tears under control. In whole, the show ended on a happy note and a promise to the fans that the site would be maintained and they would update about themselves as frequently as possible.

There were just the three of them in the studio to sign off the show and when Freddie gave that last "and we're clear" they were all on the verge of tears. They had stood silently, simply looking at each other, Freddie didn't even say his traditional "good show". When Carly's tears started to course down her cheeks again the three of them gravitated towards each other.

Sam wasn't sure how long they'd stood there in that group hug, but it was awhile. She had hid her face in Carly's shoulder, embarrassed by her own tears. When they finally broke apart she could've sworn that Freddie's cheeks were wet too.

Sam sighed and sat up on the couch, swinging her feet back to the floor. She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. Her whole life seemed to parallel iCarly. Fun and full of life, but that was coming to an end because her friends were deserting her. Soon they would be going away, possibly for good. Her gut clenched at the thought, real life was creeping in. It scared her more than falling off a scaffolding.

Girly Cow ended and she clicked the TV off, picking up a magazine from the coffee table. She was flipping through the pages, and again trying not to think of unpleasant things, when Freddie came bursting through the door, waving a piece of paper excitedly. "I got it, Sam."

"If it's cooties than I always suspected as much." She grinned but didn't look up from the magazine she was apprizings.

He wrinkled his nose at her but refrained from retorting due to his good mood. "I have something I think you'll like."

Carly came down the stairs and planted herself on the couch next to Sam as Freddie spoke. Sam glanced at her with a smile then turned to the boy again. "It doesn't look like food so I doubt it."

Carly shook her head. "Go ahead, Freddie. What do you have?" she smiled at him kindly.

He wore that unique smile of his, where it's so large it makes his eyes temporarily disappear in its intensity. He looked at the blond before him. "I found you a job!" He was fairly bursting with excitement.

Carly clapped her hands but Sam groaned. Carly shoved her shoulder. "Don't be that way. He did something nice for you." Carly was aware of Sam's situation come graduation, and she worried about her friend's future.

Sam slouched down in the couch further. She was curious, but not enough to ask him what the job was. Neither girl had to wait long for the answer.

"Here." Freddie shoved the paper into her hands so she could read it herself. His smile hadn't dimmed since he'd entered the apartment.

Sam looked through the first few lines, with her female friend reading over her shoulder. "Personal Assistant to Alexander Harris?" She gave him a dubious look.

Freddie's dark eyes sparkled. "He's one of Seattle's foremost cartoonists." She was still confused and he must've see that on her face. "I've seen your drawings, Sam. They're awesome and funny, you could have a real future as a cartoonist, and this could be your foot in the door. You'd be learning while constantly being in contact with people in the field."

She looked down at the paper in her hands then back up at him. She was blown speechless. Something fun as a carrier? Unbelievable. He had taken another one of her hobbies and pointed it in a direction she could live her life on. At that moment he was totally amazing in her eyes.

She stood up, dropping the paper onto the coffee table absently. Before she could contemplate her actions she threw her arms around his neck. He oof-ed at the impact but chuckled at her enthusiasm, and his arms came up to hold her in place. "I take it you're pleased?" She could hear the smirk in his voice.

She was silent a second longer then pulled away to see his face. "You... This is... " Full sentences were obviously eluding her.

He let her go, and rubbed the back of his neck. "I thought it would fit you." His face became serious again. "It's still going to be hard work and there's no guarantees that it will pay off, but I have faith in you. So did Spencer, actually. With his connections in the art community he helped me get in touch with Mr. Harris."

She felt warm again but this time it was different. This time it was deep within her and it felt layered. It was nice, she felt nice. "Thank you." She meant it, and hoped those simple words conveyed her sincerity.

Something flickered across his expression, something that made her heart do funny things. "You're very welcome." His voice had dropped a little.

There was silence for a moment as the two looked intently at each other, then Carly stood and gave them each a quick hug. "I think this calls for a celebration! Pie anyone?"

"To Galini's!" Sam and Freddie cheered in unison. Sam looked at the boy and he gave her a different kind of smile, one that spoke of their past. She had a sudden urge to slap his face or squeeze his hand. She did neither, simply letting the moment go, as they headed out the door.

* * *

The next afternoon Sam leaned against her locker wearing a pensive look, staring at the open book in her hand.

"A sight I never thought I'd see. Sam Puckett studying."

She looked up at the nerd who'd managed to sneak up on her during her concentration. "Watch it," she warned good-naturedly.

He leaned up against Carly's locker to look over her shoulder and see what she was reading. "History?"

She nodded and her eyes turned back to the text. "I have a project due tomorrow and it's giving me fits."

"Anything I can help with?"

She turned towards him a little. He was still being genuine with her, it was warming to have this Freddie back for good. "Study session after school?"

He shrugged, "Sure. Your place or mine?"

She fought hard not to crack a smile. "Is your mom gonna be home?"

His lips turned up in a half grin. "Yep," he said popping the "p".

"My house it is."

He laughed and pushed away from the lockers. "Catch you later, Puckett." He walked off shaking his head.

"Not if I catch you first," she whispered, watching him go. She had come to a realization yesterday over pie. Two realizations actually. One: coconut cream pie was created by God, and two; she hadn't just missed her friendship with Freddie. She _had_ missed spending time with him but now it was like she almost craved his attention.

Her dependency made her tingle pleasantly inside, but it also frightened her to no end.

* * *

Sam heard the knock on the front door and was halfway down the hall when she saw her mom answer. As soon as the portal was open she froze, it was like a scene out of a cheesy teen romance movie. Freddie stood there looking all the world like he fell out of the pages of a GQ catalog. He was wearing navigator sunglasses and he stood with his hip cocked just so, his bag slung over one shoulder. If that wasn't enough, a breeze picked up the edge of his button-down shirt giving a little peek of his stomach. Sam had to swallow. Twice.

Then Pam spoke, ever the mood killer.

"Well hello there, tall, dark and handsome. I don't know what you're selling but whatever it is I'm buying." The elder Puckett woman's eyes raked up and down a very embarrassed Freddie.

He cleared his throat and removed his sunglasses. "Hello, Mrs. Puckett. Is Sam in?"

"Sam?" she asked, slightly confused.

Sam decided it was time for an intervention. "Yes, Mom. Sam. You remember her don't you?" she said sarcastically as she grabbed hold of Freddie's wrist, dragging him into the house. "You also remember _Freddie_ _Benson_?" She glared at her mother.

Pam's eyes snapped from her daughter then back to the boy. "Freddie?" she squeaked in surprise. A slow grin spread on her face. "Freddie, of course. How could I forget?" her voice was back to a purr.

Sam rolled her eyes and marched off towards her room, Freddie still in tow. "We'll be in my room studying, and we _don't_ want to be disturbed."

"It was nice seeing you again, Mrs. Puckett." Freddie shot back over his shoulder.

Pam still had the wide grin as her eyes followed the two. "Oh, Sam," she called after them.

The younger Puckett pushed the boy before her into her room and stopped at the door to look back. "Yeah?"

"There are condoms in my bathroom if you two plan on having sex."

Sam's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "Mom!" she screeched, horrified. She slammed her door and turned around to face Freddie. He was several shades of red and decidedly _not_ looking at her. "Sorry," she managed to get out.

He shook his head to brush it off. "Shall we get down to business? I mean school... I mean studding?"

She smiled at his nervousness, nodding as she took out her books.

* * *

A few hours later she had a majority of the project in hand. She'd never felt this good about schoolwork before, maybe it was because of the boy who sat on the floor next to her.

Freddie leaning his head back against her bed. "I wish we were at my house," he said as his forehead crinkled in concentration.

"Why?"

"I could whip up these diagrams for you in no time flat on my computer."

She pushed at his shoulder. "You are one serious nerd."

He chuckled and glanced at her. "I may be, but I'm your nerd. The only one you've got." He stood and missed the pinking to her face his words caused. He went to his bag and got out his phone.

Sam looked at her watch and stood too, stretching some of the kinks out of her arms and back. "It's not too late. I mean, if you've got time." What was happening to her? Was she being considerate and _asking_ for stuff?

"Do you want to? This isn't too much schoolwork all in one day?" His smile was kind, though his words were teasing.

She squinted and stuck her tongue out at him. "Let's just go."

He chuckled and lifted the strap of his messenger bag over his head. After a quick word to her mom Sam met him at the front door. He glanced at her then out at the sky. "I don't like the look of those clouds."

"I don't like the look of your face. So?" she quipped out of habit.

He rolled his eyes. "I mean, I think you should grab a jacket."

"Why? You don't have one."

He looked at her pointedly. "I don't have a choice."

She walked over to a closet by the door. "Take your pick," she said swinging the door open.

He wandered over to stand next to her. "Where did these come from?" He picked up a sleeve of one of the many guy's coats.

"We call this the ex-closet, so where do you think they come from?"

He instantly let go of the sleeve as if it were diseased. "Oh. No thank you. I'd rather not wear something of questionable origin."

She shrugged, closing the closet. "Whatev's. Lets go." He lifted an eyebrow but followed her out the front door.

They caught the uptown bus, talking and laughing along the way. True to Freddie's prediction halfway through their ride the sky opened up. The rain came down in buckets. "Aw," Freddie moaned, looking at the weather.

Sam poked his side repeatedly. "What? Is wittle Fweddie afwade to get wet?"

"Sam!" He exclaimed as he slapped her hands away. "No, I'm not afraid of getting wet. It's just that we have to go several blocks in this rain and we'll be lucky if our bones don't get mildewed."

She tossed her head back and laughed. "Suck it up, Benson. Live a little."

His eyes lit as he smiled at her. She looked up at him, frozen and unsure. Finally she tore her eyes away and gazed out at the storm.

They reached their stop in no time and Sam dashed out into the rain, flinging her arms wide. Freddie took a tentative step off the bus and slowly walked up behind her, stopping with a few meters between them. Both of them were soaked through in seconds. To Sam this was wonderful after the heatwave they'd experienced lately.

Sam turned back to her companion and laughed at his miserable expression. She dashed back and grabbed him by the shoulders. She used him as leverage and bounced in place, splashing the puddle they were standing in all over their legs.

She stopped jumping and leaned back to open her mouth to the sky. Eyes shut, she let the water pour into her mouth, drinking in the free refreshment. She laughed in pure joy and straitened up. She hadn't noticed that Freddie had taken hold of her hips to brace her, or that they were standing so close in the first place.

The look in his eyes was so bright she felt like she was looking into the sun. She laughed again, caught in the moment. He smiled at her, distant, different than before. She felt incredibly warm and cold at the same time.

He paused like he was trying to make a decision then slowly let go of her and she felt the loss. One of his hands came up and took a stray blond curl and pushed it off from it's plastered place on her cheek. He smiled again more fully then took a step back.

She felt like something had just happened but she didn't know what she should do about it. Her breathing was heavy but she felt light. Her smile grew slowly until she felt like it would split her face. Suddenly she grabbed his wrist and they began running towards Bushwell Plaza.

She heard laughter and she wasn't sure if it was her own or his, she supposed it was them both.

* * *

**A/N: If you were wondering if Alexander Harris is a real cartoonist's name, as far as I know it's not. Virtual cookies to you if you know where I got the name though.**

**I think this is my favorite chapter. *heart***


	6. How I See It

**AN: Still not mine; but if they were Sam and Freddie would be together, and Gibby _would_ be a merman.  
Now please enjoy a double-length chapter. Couldn't be helped, nowhere to cut it. Not that I think you guys are going to complain...

* * *

**

How I See It

* * *

Freddie and Sam were still laughing and dripping as they entered the lobby of Bushwell Plaza. Lewbert's cries, lamenting his floor getting wet, were only met by more laughter. Freddie briskly shook his head and Sam wrung out her hair, causing the distraught doorman to go into another fit.

Their chuckling died and they fell into a comfortable silence as they made their way onto the elevator. Freddie pushed the button for the eighth floor. Sam smiled, reliving the last few hours in her head. She didn't notice Freddie's eyes on her the whole elevator ride.

With a ding of the doors they reached his floor, and they went directly to his apartment. "Mom?" he yelled into the space. When there was no answer he frowned in thought. "That's odd. I didn't think she was planning on going anywhere tonight."

Sam followed him as they wandered to the kitchen. "Hey, Frednubs." She pointed to a handwritten note on the table.

He snatched it up and started reading it aloud. "Dear Freddibear." He glanced at Sam and she grinned at his mother's name for him. "An old friend from college called saying she was going to be in town tonight so we're meeting to go out to dinner. I left food in the fridge and I want you in bed by ten. I may be late. I love you, Mom."

"Ten, Benson? You still have a bedtime and it's _ten_?" Sam's eyes crinkled from a withheld laugh.

He rolled his eyes at her. "She just _thinks_ I go to bed at ten. She doesn't need to know what I do at night."

Sam's mind took another detour into flashback land. _'Standing at his door, he's in his chair moaning.'_ She broke herself out of the vision to answer him. "Bold talk, kid. Bold talk." She clapped her hands in front of her. "At least I won't have to deal with Crazy while I'm here."

He sighed with a smile and shook his head. "Come on, I think I have something in my room you can wear." She cocked her head oddly at him so he continued. "What? You want to stay in your soaked clothes?"

She shrugged and followed him to his room. She'd been in his room many times before, but it'd been a while. The _last_ time she was here she hadn't able to see much due to the dim lighting, now she could see there were boxes all over the floor and suspicious holes on the walls where pictures used to hang. Seeing it this way caused an ache in her chest she didn't want to define.

"Here." He thrust what looked like sweatpants and a T-shirt at her. "You can change in my bathroom if you want."

She grinned and poked him in the chest. "What? You don't want me to change out here?" He blushed a lovely shade of red, trying not to look at her. She burst out laughing and grabbed the clothes from his hand. "Calm down. I'm just joshin' ya."

She spun on her heel and made her way into his bathroom. She shut the door as she kicked off her shoes. Freddie's bathroom was as neat and orderly as the rest of the house. She scoffed at the arrangement of shampoo and conditioners on the shower shelf, but something by the sink caught her eye; a razor and a bottle of shaving cream. She had no idea the nub shaved. She wondered how he'd convinced Crazy to let him use a real razor.

Sam pealed off her wet socks and tried to shimmy out of her soaked jeans, which proved more difficult than she first thought it would. Finally they came off and her shirt soon followed, but she kept her underwear and bra. She grabbed one of the towels that hung near the shower to use on her hair. As soon as the cottony article was close to her head she was assaulted by the overwhelming smell of Freddie. She froze and buried her face in the towel, smelling him. She had caught whiffs of him many times but this was like the concentrated version. It smelled like soap and clean water, also something that was completely him and, dare she think it, masculine. She liked the smell, she liked it allot.

Waking herself from her stupor she proceeded to dry her hair, it took quite a bit of effort to get the majority of the water out of her hair with just a towel. She found one of his combs but decided her fingers would work better on her tight curls.

She picked up the shirt he'd given her and had to laugh, it was big enough both her and Carly could fit in it at the same time. _Is Freddie this big or is this one of his oversized T's?_ Sam shrugged, her mental question unanswered, as she slipped it over her head. It hung loose on her lithe frame, reaching down to just above her knees.

Next she tried the sweatpants, they too seemed ridiculously large for her. She pulled them up by their elastic waistband only to discover this wasn't the type with drawstrings. As soon as she let go they crumpled to a pile on the floor. She shook her head with a grin. "This won't do." She gathered the gray puddle from around her feet and headed back to talk to Freddie.

She saw him sitting on his bed staring off into space. He'd changed into a pair of navy sweatpants and taken off his shirt, but hadn't gotten as far as putting the dry one on, it was still lying on the bed next to him.

Sam sucked in a breath and the sweatpants fell from her hands, forgotten. She'd have to learn to stop walking into his room without knocking. She almost turned around but she couldn't believe what she was seeing. She was mesmerized. Freddie must've subscribed to the Taylor Lautner School of Bodybuilding Magazine, he was cut in _all_ the right places. She had no idea _that_ was hidden under his double layered shirts. _Holy chiz on a cracker._

He must have heard her gasp because he immediately stood up and locked his eyes on her. The thoughtful look that had been on his face was quickly replaced by one of uncertainty. Her eyes, in contrast, lazily raked across the planes of his chest trailing down to his abs, which weren't quite a defined four-pack, but close enough. His pants hung low giving her a hint of the dip of his muscles over each hip. She had to swallow several times to regain her composure.

He seemed to notice her scrutiny because he arched his back and squared his shoulders to stand a little straiter. It reminded her of a wacky rhyme his mother had taught him. When he'd first recited it in her presence it'd made her do a spit-take, now the words made her think something else entirely. She didn't want to go there. (*cough*-yes she did)

As if in a trance she walked towards him, something on his shoulder had caught her eye. She traced her fingers lightly over the four small marks that marred the front of his right shoulder, noticing him shiver slightly at her touch. "Scars, Freddie? Where... when...?" she asked with a amused smile.

He surprised her when he let out a choked laugh. "Don't you remember?" His eyes sparkled when he looked down at her.

She shook her head, tossing her curls against her cheeks, tickling his chest. She was sure her face displayed her confusion but she kept her smile.

He chuckled again before he clarified. "Does the name Ginger Fox ring a bell?"

It took a minute before the recognition lit her mind, when it did she threw back her head and laughed. "The fork?" He nodded and joined her in the laughter.

When they fell silent her gaze drifted back to the marks. Her finger had still been tracing the white spots automatically. Her eyes flickered up to his for a second and his breath caught. Something washed over her she couldn't explain, with agonizing slowness she leaned down and placed her lips on his shoulder, giving it a gentle kiss. She felt him shudder as her tongue slipped out and ran across the raised spots.

She didn't know why she was doing this, it just seemed right, and she was never one to argue with her impulses. She continued staring at his shoulder when she spoke. "Mama likey," she murmured. That broke him from his frozen stated and he gripped her shoulders hard, groaning out her name. She looked up at him again but his eyes had changed. There was desperateness in them now, similar to what she'd seen a couple weeks ago in the studio, it made her tremble again. "Freddie, I..."

She couldn't really complete that thought, but she didn't have to when he spoke. "I tried so hard to fight this, but I can't. I really like you. I have for a while now. If you don't feel the same I understand but I had to tell you. You're drive me insane, Sam."

She pushed away from him. "You've liked me for a _while_ now? Why'd you never say anything?" she demanded hotly.

His voice was quiet and he touched her shoulder lightly. "How do you feel about me?"

His hand burned on her like a brand. She knew what he was asking, but it was all new, something she hadn't considered. Okay, she'd considered it, but she hadn't come to any definitive answer yet. "I don't know."

"That's why I never said anything. I knew how _I_ felt, but I also knew you didn't know how you felt." He ran his fingers through his hair and let out a long breath. "Let's face it, I'll be leaving after graduation. I didn't want to start something I couldn't finish."

She looked down at her hands. "Oh." That stung, it really did.

He took two fingers under her chin and tipped her face back up. "_Not_ that you aren't worth it, because you _so_ are, but because I couldn't help what I was feeling. I had tried to deny my feelings for you as just a stand-in for Carly-love, but it turned out to be so much more. Once I realized that, coupled with the fact I was going away, it hurt. _God_ it hurt. That's when I decided not to tell you. I could handle the pain, I'd been conditioned to pain," he smiled distantly, "but you didn't need a share in it."

She pounded on his chest weakly. "You freak'n, pansy-ass nub."

"I know." She caught a glimpse of his almost sad smirk before he pulled her to his chest. She didn't resist, just laid her head in the crook of his neck and let him hold her. It felt good to be in his strong embrace, like the world couldn't reach her there.

"You know..." his voice took on a lighter tone, "you didn't sound all that surprised when I said I liked you."

She knew she was blushing and she hoped he couldn't see it with her face buried in his neck. Unfortunately when she didn't answer he untangled himself from her to look at her face. "Sam?"

He was worried and curious, she knew, but how could she tell him? She could lie, she was good at that. "I followed you after you pushed me up against the studio wall couple weeks ago." _Great! What was that? That was__n't__ lying!_ She glanced at him, not able to maintain eye contact for long. He still bore that confused/curious look, she could stop here and walk away. "I saw you." _I guess walking away __and__ lying are out,_ she bemoaned her big mouth.

"Saw me? Doing what?"

Did he seriously not remember? Because she was sure it was etched into her memory with a tattoo needle. "Um –" She looked away. _Please don't make me say it._

"Sam, tell me." His voice held a note of pleading and he wrapped his hands around her upper arms to bring her attention to him. As if she needed that.

She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. "I saw you jacking off," she whispered.

He instantly let go of her and took a step back, or he would have if the bed hadn't been there. He sat down woodenly, tripping down, his eyes and mouth wide.

"I honestly didn't mean to watch. At first I was shocked frozen, then I was... um..." she babbled.

He buried his crimson face in his hands for a minute then her words sunk in and he snapped his eyes to hers. "You watched me?" He swallowed. "All the way?"

She nodded slowly, her eyes pleading for him to understand. She gripped her wrist with her other hand and twisted it nervously at her back.

"Oh." He looked away. They were both silent in the thick air filling the room.

She felt she needed to do something, she was going to lose her friend, and she didn't think she could deal with that again. "I didn't _not_ like it, if you were wondering," she said quietly.

The look in his eyes was glassy. "What?"

"It wasn't horrible. I mean, yeah, at first I was majorly wigged out, but I dealt with it."

He stood up. "Gee, thanks. That totally boosts my confidence."

She frowned and recoiled from him slightly. "Hey, I'm just trying to be honest. This isn't easy for me you know."

He instantly looked stricken and repentant. "I'm sorry, I know. You'd never even look twice at someone like me."

She blinked, trying to figure out what he was saying. Suddenly the light went on and she softened. "No, no. I meant sharing my feelings – that's what's hard. Sure, having these feelings scares the chiz out of me, but not because it's someone _like_ you, it's because it _is_ you!" She poked him in the chest with her finger.

He rubbed the sore spot. "Why's that?"

Her eyes got big and her heart started to pound. "Because you're Fredward. You're one of my best friends. I don't have many of those. In fact I can count them on one hand." She held up two fingers.

He moved forward and took her raised hand in both of his. "Oh, Sam."

She shook her head. "I don't know what it is but lately I've felt a pull towards you, like you were a juicy steak or something." He arched his brow at her and she pulled her hand free. She started pacing. "The more we spent time together the more I wanted to hang out with you." She paused, taking a breath. "Then you did that great thing for me yesterday," she smiled at him.

His one in return wasn't so bright. "I don't want you to be with me because you feel obligated."

She shook her head again, he was so frustrating. She walked back over to him. "What I mean is I've been thinking about you in a different way. Yes, the thing that set it all off was your little 'solo performance'," she loved the way his ears got red, "but it's not about that. And it's not about how nice you are to me. I guess, I sorta, kinda like you."

She looked up into his brown globes, watching as her words sank in; she could tell when they did, his eyes lit up and his smile became warm. He brushed his hands up and down her arms as if he were afraid to touch her. "Are you sure, Sam?" he asked hopefully.

She was done talking, and the heat suddenly rushing through her at his touch wasn't making it easy for her to form words anyway. She stepped closer and placed her hands on his bare chest. She tilted her head up to him and he watched her cautiously. She smiled and in a low, sultry voice she said one word: 'lean'.

He smiled and bent down to have his lips meet hers. She almost sighed at how right it felt and her lids slipped closed. After a few seconds of his mouth gliding softly over hers she wanted something more. She slid her hands up to his shoulders and lifted up on her toes, pressing them more closely together.

Freddie purred his approval in the kiss, she thought it was the cutest thing she'd ever heard. His arms slid reflexively around her back, lifting her further towards him. She'd never felt like this with a guy. She knew, and she knew he knew, that she could knock him out if she wanted. But in his arms she felt – delicate, almost girly, without trying.

That warmth she'd been feelingly the last few weeks exploded through her. Freddie tilted his head, gaining a better angle on her mouth. Sam shuddered and opened willingly to him. She'd never been docile like this but he was making her head buzz. His thumbs started to trace slow circles on her back. Her mind screamed at how much she was enjoying this. One of her hands cupped his neck and she could feel his pulse race, she knew hers was pacing to match. He tasted and felt so good, she never wanted it to end.

Slowly Freddie pulled back. Before he'd gone too far he nibbled her lower lip, which caused her to giggle. They were both breathing heavy and he rested his forehead on hers. She was spent, she felt like a crayon left in the sun too long, all her colors were running.

He gave her a smug grin. "Did you enjoy that?"

She didn't have it in her at that moment to be sarcastic. "Yeah. Remind me again why we haven't done that before?"

He chuckled. "We have."

She lifted her head to look at him. "It was nothing like what we just did," she protested.

"No argument," he hummed thoughtfully. His eyes seemed to be memorizing her face and she stayed reverently silent for him. He pulled her into a warm hug, burying his face in her still damp hair. "I love you."

She instantly stiffened at his softly spoken words. He released her enough to see her face, but not enough so she could escape. He brushed one of his thumbs against her temple and tried to hold her eyes. "I... I can't," she choked out. This was too much too soon. She gripped his wrist like a lifeline.

"Hey, hey. Shhh, I know you can't say it, I don't expect you to. I didn't say that to freak you out or pressure you. I just wanted to get it out there. I didn't want you getting the wrong idea about my feelings for you."

Sam took that to heart, she'd wondered if what he had for her was purely physical. It made her heart skip a little that he loved her _and_ found her so attractive.

He smiled again like he could see what was going on in her head. He cupped her face and leaned in for another kiss, this one was slower and full of unspoken promises to her. Whereas the other kiss had lit her on fire this one smoldered hot and slow. She could feel it extend out her body to the tips of her fingers and toes. Freddie pulled back again and she whimpered despite herself. She mentally cursed at how he made her so weak, like a daffodil.

He must have said her name several times because by the time it worked its way into her clouded brain his voice had risen to a shout. "Yes?" she asked innocently. He chuckled and she felt the rumble in his chest under her hand.

"As much as I'd like to continue this I think we should get dressed and go eat something."

She rubbed her hand across his chest again, this time letting it dip a bit lower to the planes of his stomach. "Are you sure?" she asked, mocking and echoing his question from earlier.

He flinched, grabbing her wrist and pushing it away. "Yes, Sam. I'm sure."

Her eyes snapped to his, surprised by the sudden, almost pained sound to his voice. His pupils were so dilated his eyes were almost completely black. She sucked in a breath. He was looking at her like he could devour her whole. The raw need in his expression shocked her.

He wanted her that badly and he was _willingly_ withdrawing. She didn't know of many guys who could do that, or _would_ do that. It made her heart flip over again. "Alright," she said quietly.

He looked her up and down when she stepped back. "You know, I've had quite a few fantasies that involved you in one of my shirts." His smirk was unavoidable.

"Oh, really? Do tell, perv boy."

He pulled her close again so he could lean down and whisper in her ear. "Without going into explicit detail lets just say you always _end_ _up_ in one of my shirts. And only just my shirt."

She couldn't suppress the shiver that racked her body at those evocative words. She knew he felt it since he had a hold on her spine. "Bastard. What if I want to see you in one of my..." The rest of her statement was cut off by his insistent lips on hers.

It was a short kiss, and she suspected that he only did it to shut her up, but she found she didn't care, as long as his lips were on hers.

"Lets go eat," he said huskily. "Besides, we still have your project to finish."

She ran her hand up the back of his neck and into his hair. "My nerd," she purred and they both smiled.

* * *

**A/N: This was supposed to be the end but there will be more. 8D  
**

***If you're not familiar with the term "joshing" it means joking or poking fun at.  
*****I'm sorry to say**** The Taylor Lautner School of Bodybuilding Magazine is not a real publication. For those who don't know who Taylor Lautner is he's the actor who played "Jacob" in the _Twilight_ movies. If you don't know what he looks like I highly suggest you Google a picture of him immediately!  
-On a side note I'll probably always remember him as Sharkboy.  
*Also, to refresh your memories the rhyme Sam alluded to was: "You won't get respect if your back's not erect." ;)  
**


	7. My Missing Piece

**A/N: The last chapter was supposed to be the last chapter but the story seemed unfinished to me. So here you go – another chapter. I hope you enjoy. I have really loved writing this story.**

* * *

My Missing Piece

* * *

Fredward Benson had been away from home for almost four months. As he knew it would, it'd nearly torn him in two when he had to leave Sam. At their parting she'd been the strong one, whereas he had cried. Of course that had given her the opening to tease him, so she had. It was a memory he'd cherish. Sam being Sam.

He smiled as he stood on the curb in front of Bushwell Plaza looking up at the tall building. No one yet knew he'd returned for the holidays. He had originally planned on coming back in another few days but was able to get his flight bumped up when his classes ended earlier than anticipated. His mother was going to freak, but truthfully he didn't care, he had missed her.

There were several people he couldn't wait to see, the Shay siblings were high on his list, but none sat higher than Samantha Puckett. He had missed the others but he had _ached_ for Sam.

They'd left their relationship loose before he'd departed, not wanting to put labels or restrictions on it. As much as he wanted to call her his girlfriend he knew she wasn't ready. She hadn't even been able to say those three little words he longed to hear, and he'd refrained from repeating them to her. He didn't want her to feel backed into a corner.

He'd kept in contact with her during his absence, same as with all his friends, but it didn't stop the pain he felt as he walked around campus and saw happy couples pass by. He wanted her, more than physically, though there was a healthy amount of that in there, but also he simply missed her 'Samness'. She had worked her way into his heart and he wasn't sure it beat right when she wasn't there.

He chuckled, he was a total nub and he knew it.

Freddie pushed his way through the double doors and entered the all-too-familiar lobby. He took in the smell of cleaners and stale corn chips. Lewbert always kept a stash of chips behind the counter. Speaking of the obnoxious doorman he was nowhere to be seen, much to Freddie's delight. He didn't want this moment spoiled by the loudmouth wart-bearer.

After he felt he'd savored the lobby enough Freddie made his way to the elevator. The ride to the eighth floor took the same amount of time it always had, but today it seemed so much longer than before. Finally the doors opened and he stepped out. Everything was silence, he'd half wished he'd run into one of his friends.

Freddie paused in the hallway between 8-C and 8-D. He looked at the two doors and came to a decision. He set his bags down and turned to the right. How many times had he come to this door and just walked right in? Now he felt weird, like he'd been gone too long. He knocked.

He only had to wait a minute before the door was opened. "Freddie?" Spencer asked in surprise, a big grin quickly broke out on his face. "Freddo!" he shouted then grabbed the teen in a bear-hug.

Freddie laughed and returned the hug. "How ya been, Spencer?"

"I'm doin' great, but how 'bout you, _college_ _boy_?"

"Oh, you know," he smiled.

Spencer slapped Freddie's chest with the back of his hand. "Don't be coy with me, kiddo. Your mom's been spillin' about how much your teachers love you."

Freddie looked down and felt his cheeks warm. "Yeah, well."

Spencer chuckled. "Come, sit. When did you get back?"

"Just now, actually. I thought I'd come over and see if you and Carly were home before I'm sequestered by my mother." The guys laughed and settled down on the couch. "So, what do you hear about Sam's job with Mr. Harris?"

Spencer looked surprised. "Sam hasn't told you?"

Freddie shook his head. "If it's going bad she doesn't want to worry me and if it's going well she doesn't like to brag."

The older man chuckled. "I guess you're right. Well, she's really thrown herself into her job. I guess that means she likes it." Freddie nodded his confirmation. "Harris loves her. They get along like scabs on a hobo."

Freddie cringed at the analogy. "That's great?" he shifted uncomfortably. "I'm glad she's found something she loves."

Spencer smirked but didn't comment. "She seems to be learning allot. She shows me some of her own work when she comes over to visit. She's truly talented."

Freddie nodded again even though a twinge of longing went through him. "How often does Carly get to come home?" he asked trying to change the subject. He glanced towards the stairs before he asked the question that had been burning in his throat. "Where _is_ Carly?" He knew her classes got out yesterday and he assumed she would be home by now.

Spencer's smile turned soft and knowing. "You don't care about that, you really want to know if Sam is here."

Freddie's eyes flew wide and his heart thumped hard and fast in his chest. Spencer nodded once, having gotten the reaction he'd wanted. "She's missed you terribly. She won't say it, but she hangs out here even when Carly's not around, and I can tell." He watched Freddie for a second. "I'm sorry, neither of the girls are here."

Freddie's face fell. "Oh." He stood. "I should really be going then, I left my suitcases in the hall and I don't want them stolen."

Spencer nodded and stood too, completely understanding the younger man's sudden need for departure. "I'll let the girls know that you're home. They'll be excited, so expect visitors tonight," he grinned.

Freddie chuckled and gave the other man another quick hug. "It's good seein' you again, Spencer."

"You too, Freddie."

Just then the door swung open and Carly entered. "Hey, Spencer. Someone left their bags in the..." her voice trailed off at the sight of Freddie. "Oh my god, _Freddie_!" she squealed and ran into his waiting arms.

He spun her around before setting her down. "Hey, Carls," he said in warm tones.

Her eyes had tears in them when she looked at him again, she quickly brushed them away. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, it seems like forever."

She gave him a appraising look. "You look good."

"Thanks, you too." He tried to subtly look around her towards the hallway.

She wasn't fooled. "She's coming." He blinked at her but she just turned to face the door, at that moment Sam came around the corner almost tripping over Freddie's bags.

"Whoa, who left their stuff in the hallway, that's not safe. For me, or their stuff," the blond said caustically. As she crossed the threshold of the apartment she looked up. Her eyes instantly locked with Freddie's.

He smiled and sighed internally for finally getting to see her again. "Sam," his voice was soft and barely above a whisper. Her eyes flew wide at the sight of him and she started to shake her head back and forth. He didn't like the look on her face, at first he thought it was simply surprise but it morphed into a look of terror. She looked like she was about to bolt.

Before he had fully formed that thought she turned and dashed back towards the elevator. "Sam!" Carly yelled, startled by her friends odd behavior.

Freddie was confused and most of all hurt. Seeing Sam again wasn't supposed to be like this. When he looked over he saw Carly was watching him closely.

"Freddie?" her voice wavered off. He nodded woodenly but she continued with a hand on his shoulder. "You know our Sam, she deals with things in her own way. I can tell you that she missed you, she even told me as much."

He tried to muster a smile but it came out more like a grimace. "Thanks, Carls." He slowly walked past her toward the door.

"What are you going to do?" Spencer asked in concern.

Freddie sighed and grabbed the handles of his bags. "Don't know. Go in and see Mom, I guess."

Carly stepped forward and wrapped her hand around the edge of the open door. "Find her, talk to her."

He didn't need clarification on who she was referring to. Freddie turned back and could see the pain on the sibling's faces, it was a reflection of his own heart. He only took a moment to decide. "Call her? See if you can find out where she went." He turned to go. "Oh, and can you keep my stuff until we get back?"

"Sure," Carly said, already pulling out her phone, a hopeful smile on her face.

"Good luck," Spencer added as he grabbed Freddie's bags.

The younger man nodded his thanks and dashed off in pursuit of the woman he loved.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later Freddie jogged up the stone steps of one of the buildings which once held his daily attention. Ridgeway High School looked desolate and cold at night. He stood at the main doors for a moment pondering how to get in.

He took a step back and looked to either side, that's when he noticed one of the classroom windows was open. He made his way over.

Freddie shook his head. Why did he love such a delinquent? Maybe because she could inspire him to do things even he didn't know he was capable of. A small smile formed on his face as he climbed through the window. He looked around in the dim light, and discovering no Sam, went on.

The classroom may be empty but he had a pretty good idea of where she could be found. To him there was no doubt she was in the building, after all these years he knew how her mind worked. He'd been afraid that she had always been _here_.

Even with his certainty he still breathed a sigh of relief when he came around a corner and saw her halo of golden hair, pale in the low light. Sam stood at her old locker, her head bent, a hand resting on the metal door.

"Sam." His voice sounded loud in the quiet.

She jumped at her name, instantly turning to look at him. She didn't look surprised. "How did you find me?" she asked in a quiet voice. She quickly turned back to her locker.

He thought he caught a hint of fear in her words. That broke his heart. "I just thought of the least likely place to find Sam Puckett and here we are," he lied, motioning his hands around the deserted halls. She sniffed derisively. He studied her a moment. "Did I do something wrong? Is there some reason why you hate me?" his words came out low and serious.

She glanced at him with eyes filled with pain before she looked away again. "No."

"Than what is it? Why did you freak out when you saw me?" He tried to approach her but she maintained the distance between them by sidestepping away.

"I dum new," she whispered.

"What?" he asked, uncertain he heard the words.

"I don't know, alright! I guess I was scared!" she shouted, startling him into taking a step back. Her voice rang off the metal doors as her cry echoed down the halls.

"Of me?" He was hurt by that. How could she ever think that about him?

"No. Yes." She breathed and started over. "It's just, when I saw you again I was overwhelmed and I panicked."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I really missed you, Sam. Four months was too long. I don't want to hurt you, or scare you, but if seeing me causes you grief I'll let you alone. I just wanted... I just wanted to see if you were okay." He'd lie to make her feel better, but this felt worse than getting hit by a food service truck, and he should know.

Now that he'd had a taste of _them_ he didn't want to go back to merely "Sam and Freddie". When he'd left for college he'd at least had the _hope_ he'd be coming back to her. Now it seemed like she was cutting him out of her life. He didn't know how he'd go on. It may have been cliché but she was his drug and he was completely and utterly addicted.

It suddenly occurred to him that he'd been standing there staring at her profile for several minutes. The silence was deafening. "Alright, um, well..." he trailed off, unsure. He shut his eyes. _Can you die from heartbreak? _That's what it felt like, like his life was ending.

He turned towards the classroom he'd come through, there was so much he wanted to say but he knew if he formed the words now he'd be dangerously close to breaking down. Crying in front of Sam was _not_ an option.

He stopped when he felt a firm hand on his bicep. "Only you," she started slowly, her voice small. He didn't turn or move for fear she'd stop. "I've dated other guys but you're the only one that makes me _feel_ this much. Even before – well, _before_ _us_, you always got a reaction out of me. I never wanted to hurt someone so much in my life. Then you... you told me "that thing" a few months ago and it was great. I felt warm, so different than how I felt before. Dangerous new territory for me, but I honestly didn't want you to go away." There was a breathy pause. "I -I missed you."

At that he turned to her, he was disheartened to see the look of pain still in residence on her face. He wanted so badly to pull her into his arms but held back for her sake. He knew she was still on the edge of bolting. "I missed you too."

She stared at him. "You said that already."

He chuckled darkly, knowing that was the reaction she was going for but not really feeling the humor. He became serious again as he studied her. "Why then did..."

She shook her head to stop his question. "I feel so out of control, and Momma don't like being out of control."

Through her strong words he still detected the tremor in her voice. He gave her a puzzled look but she continued. "You make me... I can't..." she tried. "You're too much for me!" she blurted.

"Too much? What are you talking about?" Now he was really confused.

She hit his chest with a closed fist. "When I saw you in Carly's apartment I felt things I'd never felt before. It scared the chiz out of me! I couldn't help myself, all I could do was run... from you," she ended weakly.

The realization hit him like a bolt of lightning. He looked at her with tenderness, now he understood. He badly wanted to hear the words but she was fragile right now, if he moved too quickly he'd frighten her away. "Sam... Sam, look at me." She tilted her head so she could see him. "I'd _never_ hurt you. Physically, I couldn't even if I tried, and emotionally I hope you know I would never do so intentionally." She nodded slightly but that was enough for him. "There is no need to be scared. _No_ _need_. All you have to do is remind yourself you're a Puckett and you'll be fine." He gave her a small smirk.

She let out the air from her lungs in a discouraged puff. "That's just it! I'm a Puckett!"

He cocked his head. "I'm not following."

"Pucketts have a history of breaking things that are good, or losing the things we want!"

_No! _He set his jaw. "I'm impervious."

She looked at him startled at his emphatic words. "What?"

"You've inoculated me over the years to every foul aspect of your personality. If your afraid I'm going to get mad at you and run, I won't, and if you are afraid I'm only waiting for something better than let me remind you of a few things; I liked you first, even after I tried to deny it. I've had the "good girlfriends", they're not who I want. You are. You're _better_ than anything I could ever hope to look for." He couldn't hold back any longer so he brushed his hand down her cheek. "Face it Sam, you're stuck with me."

She shuddered at his touch and he noticed it but didn't say anything. "Freddie," she whispered.

He pressed his advantage as he leaned in to taste her lips. He watched her as he slowly approached, giving her ample time to pull away. Instead her eyes closed and she accepted his brief touch, though she didn't move to reciprocate.

When he pulled back it took a moment for her eyes to reopen, when they did he saw that a little of the fear had dimmed.

"How can you be so sure we'll make it?" Her voice was tight but it was regaining some of its strength.

He shrugged. "We may both die tomorrow. All I know is how I feel about you right now. I love you, Sam."

"You make it sound so easy. Like loving someone is simple."

"It may not be simple or easy, both of us could attest to that with our mothers, but I do know one thing." He paused to brush some the hair from her face.

"What's that?"

"That no matter how hard it gets, it's better if the load is shared between two people. I love you but I don't want to be in love alone. I've already tried that, it didn't work out so well."

She stared at him for a few minutes and he could almost see the wheels in her head turn as she processed what he'd said. She looked down and her voice became small. "What if I hurt you?"

"Do you want to hurt me?"

Her eyes snapped up to his again. "No, not that way."

He shrugged again. "Then don't."

She stepped back and tossed her head from side to side. "Just like that?"

He nodded. "Just like that. Take each decision one at a time. You don't want to hurt me today but that doesn't mean you won't want to hurt me tomorrow. Personally, I like it when you get my back up a little, it makes me feel alive." He reached for her again and she willingly stepped into his hug.

"I don't think I deserve you, Benson," she said into his shirt.

"True," he smirked, earning him a jab to the ribs. He tilted her head up so he could look at her face. "But I _know_ I don't deserve you." He could tell the sincerity of his words was affecting her. He pulled her head back to his chest, knowing that letting her hide would be the best thing for her at that moment.

They stood that way for a minute with him petting her hair and feeling her breath, but he knew they should be going. "Come on, we should get outta here before we get caught."

"What can they do? Give us detention?" He chuckled at her joke and inclined his head towards the door. She nodded and he took her hand, leading her back into the classroom and over to the window. He smiled at her before hefting one leg out and turning for his body to follow.

"I love you."

The clear, distinct words came form the girl behind him. His head came up so fast it slammed into the tipped out window, he lost his footing and tumbled out onto the ground.

"Freddie!" she leaned out with a concerned but amused expression.

He stood up rubbing his head. She was taller than him, now that he was out and she was in so he tilted his face up to look at her. "What did you say?" Hope lit his eyes, he knew it was pushing her but he had to hear the words again.

Her expression softened and she leaned with her elbows on the sill. "I love you."

He reached up and grabbed her by her armpits, she squealed in surprise as he yanked her through the window. He set her gently on her feet in front of him, and smiled, thumbing her sides with tender strokes. "I thought that's what you said."

She slapped him on the arm but it barely registered. His heart soared as he looked into her completely accepting blue eyes. She tilted her head up and he came down to meet her. He didn't know how she felt but his perspective was that all the rightness in the world was found in Sam's lips. If he could stay here, with her in his arms, he would do so, no food or sleep needed.

Unlike her personality, when she was in his arms she was soft, especially her lips. She tasted like sweet fruit, he wondered where and when she'd eaten a fruit pop. He wanted to savor this, savor her. He couldn't put into words how much he loved her so he tried to show it though the joining of their mouths.

To have her here, to see her again, it was almost too much for him. Reluctantly he withdrew, breathless and panting. He looked down unable to meet her eyes. He felt a cool hand on his cheek so he looked at her.

She smiled tenderly and a little amused. "Aw Benson, are you gonna cry again? Man up." Her teasing voice was music to his ears.

He chuckled. "You're beautiful, can I keep you?"

She gasped at his unexpected question, when her mouth snapped shut she nodded. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her, she automatically hooked her legs around his waist. "Let's go home," he purred up to her.

Her hands played with the hairs on the back of his neck. "What if Crazy doesn't want me there?"

He grinned lopsidedly. "She can live with disappointment. But I don't think she'll mind." He started walking towards the parking lot.

"Why's that?" she asked, never taking her eyes off of him.

"I think she knows that if she ever wants to see her Freddiebear happy again she won't try to separate us."

Sam slipped her legs from around him, effectively stopping his walking. "Freddie," her voice broke and he brushed her bangs from her eyes.

"What is it, Sam?"

"It's just, when I think I almost missed you. We were all wrong for each other but..." He could see her eyes brim with tears which caused his emotions to rise again.

"But nothing has ever felt so right." He cupped her cheeks even as she tried to nod. Their eyes had a long conversation before she grabbed him and pulled him to for a bruising, passion-filled kiss.

* * *

**The** **End**

* * *

**A/N: I almost posted this on Wednesday but I was hit with inspiration so the ending got a rewrite – for the better in my opinion. In a related note: I almost added another part where they made it back to Bushwell but I thought it was a more fitting ending here. I hope it works for all you guys.**

.

.

**.**

.**  
**

**I would like to send out a great big THANK YOU to all of my reviewers. You guys really helped spur me on. Whereas I don't write for reviews I _do_ appreciate getting them, even negative ones. I never thought people would like this story as much as they have. I'm indebted.  
Thank You:** Pieequals36, aaamber, GuySeddie, Ordinario, aussiemma, angelsinstead, hidden-in-the-pictures, LgraelTheSilent, 246kisses, DO-it-for-SEDDIE, KarlaRockAngel, funniefriend1245, mizkntuhke, justjb, Gabsikle, bluemystique, AgoraXLocoXPhobic, ThriLLer89, crazyboutseddie, mamaluvsangst, veeheart914, Loulock, EccentricSuperchick, OhSoIris, LoV3 C0nV3rSe, Seddieforeverx3, ober22, Mr. Average

**I would also like to thank all the readers who favorited my story.  
Thanks:** angelsinstead, animelove20, Azure88, bluemystique, ccQTccQT, craZflakes98, crowthorn, DO-it-for-SEDDIE, EccentricSuperchick, Freedom-In-Fantasy, grumpyjenn, LoV3 C0nV3rSe, ober22, ororgr, Pieequals36, pos, Purple xx, quasistaticKitten, Seddieforeverx3, sopitaXXmor, Steady-Midnight-Rain, tiredandhungry, ugataluvme53, veeheart914, XtheMediterranean


End file.
